Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Our Struggles, but Christ - The Bag Carrier

Image Courtesy of sattva/freeditigalphotos.net
At one point in time, one of my best friends and I weren't talking. We use to talk every day, share all of our secrets, and do everything together. I got to a point where I was tired of dealing with her lack of understanding, combative attitude, and selfishness. (You know how we do when we are into it with someone...we can pick out everything they have done wrong, right?) Any who, I made a decision that I could not allow her to continue to hurt me. I would put myself out there to try to seek resolution or give her chances to change. I am not saying that I am perfect, but I would change for the betterment of our relationship. She would change for a few weeks, but it would be back to the same song and dance. It was a vicious cycle and frankly I was tired. We didn't talk for months on end and I was cool with it. I would have days where I would think about it and other days that I didn't think about it at all. One day, I was watching TV with Jesus. I was just telling Him about my day and decided to finally tell Him about the situation with my friend. (Mind you, it took me 2-3 months to talk to JC about it! LOL).  

I was flipping through the channels and stumble across a TV show called I Forgive You. I thought this should be good because I use to love Forgive or Forget with Mother Love! I was kind of paying attention until the last story. The story was about a lady named Mary Johnson. Her son, Byrd got into a mindless altercation with Oshea Israel at a local nightclub. Israel pulled a gun on Byrd and shot him four times (three to the chest and one to the head). Israel was unable to pinpoint his reason for even killing Byrd. Of course, my first thought was, "Jesus if anyone ever did that to someone I love...I don't know what I would do..."  I continued to think, "Maybe they end the show with one story of un-forgiveness and this must be it!" Israel was sentenced to 25 years in prison and Mary felt justice. She hated this boy and believed he was an animal that needed to be caged. About 10 years into Oshea's sentence, Mary asked him repeatedly can they meet. I was thinking, "Why in the world would she want to meet him?" Once he finally agreed, Mary met with him and asked him to explain why he killed her son. He explained the alcohol-fueled altercation and how one thing led to another. Right before Mary left, she told Oshea that she forgave him. She actually said, "I want you to know that I forgive you." I thought to myself, "Why would she want to do that?! How is that even possible?! He doesn't deserve forgiveness! He took your son's life for no reason!" Oshea told Mary that he would never hurt her again and asked to hug her. She got up and began to fall and cry. Oshea had to hold her and lift her up. Can you believe that? The very man that murdered her son had to hold her so she wouldn't fall. He had to hold her in her time of need. After she left the prison, the bitterness, anger, and animosity fled from her body. Mary knew at that moment that she truly forgave Oshea. Over the years, Mary and Oshea developed a friendship that grew into being neighbors after Oshea's release. This even led to them sharing their story with the world. They created an organization called From Death to Life to help others heal. Mary and Oshea have grown so much together that they call each other mother and son. After watching that story, I thought to myself "There has to be a God. That type of forgiveness honestly seems humanly impossible....but if she can forgive the murderer of her son, why can't I forgive my friend?" After the show, I actually dropped a few tears because it inspired me. It made me realize that no amount of vengeance would bring back her son or make her life any better. It inspired me to seek after God, which led to a brief discovery...
Image of Courtesy David Castillo Dominici/freeditigalphotos.net

Jesus commands us to forgive others as He forgave and continues to forgive me daily. (Ephesians 4:31-32, Matthew 6:14-15 Mark 11:25, Colossians 3:13) When I choose not to forgive, I was holding onto anger and hatred in my heart. This caused my Holy Spirit to grieve. (Ephesians 4:30) I felt convicted. I started to realize that forgiveness is not for her or me, but for my love of Christ. I had to choose to forgive out of remembrance for Christ forgiving me for my sins daily. I had to choose to forgive to relinquish hate from my heart out my love for God. I learned a hard lesson that day. Jesus Christ teaches us that forgiveness does not have a limit or ceiling. I have been commanded to continue to forgive those that hurt me. (Luke 17:3-4) 

Forgiveness does not mean that you have to be friends again or even acquaintances. Forgiveness means finding peace. Finding peace is more than that typical "it doesn't bother you anymore". Peace means all of the malice and hatred about that person stored in your heart is no longer there. You can show that person love and not expect anything in return. This is what being a true follower of Christ is all about...putting His love on display. How can we say we love Jesus Christ, but hate our friends, parents, etc.? Jesus asks us, "How can you hate your friend, which you have seen and love Me, which you haven't seen? (1 John 4:20)

Some people will NEVER know or understand the peace that Mary Johnson and Oshea Israel have found. Oshea had to admit his wrongdoings, and then have the courage and humility to accept the forgiveness Mary offered. Mary was given the grace to see and accept his change of heart in order to forgive him. Forgiveness is not an overnight phenomenon! It took these two 12 years to truly forgive, but it did not take Mary 12 years to make the decisionMaking a decision to forgive and going through the process are two different things. Mary had to decide if she would continually allow the death of her son to eat her from the inside out that would ultimately destroy her or start the process of forgiveness. She chose healing.

We are no different than Mary Johnson. As human beings, we are not that unique from one another in this regard. We all have the capacity for love and forgiveness as well as for hate and resentment. It is all about the choices we make and the consequences of those choices. Will you choose misery or will you choose joy? The choice is yours. 
Image Courtesy of bigjom/freeditigalphotos.net
The Bag Carrier is someone that struggles with forgiveness. We carry these bag made of up situations and people that we have not forgave. Forgiveness is one of the hardest things for us as humans to do. We must choose to start the process of forgiveness because of the love of God and for His glory. God gets the glory when we choose to forgive others. We are choosing to put His everlasting love on display. Forgiveness is not for us, but for God. We reap the benefits of finding peace in Christ from relinquishing hurt, pain, and anger.   Forgiveness can be more than just forgiving others, but it can be forgiving ourselves. When we don't forgive, it can freeze us in time, cripple our spirit, or even destroy us. We have to accept the fact that someone has hurt us or we have made a mistake. Acceptance is truly taking it for what it is. Not creating our own fantasy of what occurred to make ourselves feel better. This means thinking the worse of something or making excuses for it. We got to accept it for what it is. 
Next, we must seek God for guidance on how to handle the situation and even professional therapy somtimes. When we do things through Christ, He will provide you strength, guidance, and love. Mary Johnson sought after God's own heart to understand that she could not carry those bags any longer. When she sought after God, her life was enriched with joy, happiness, and especially peace. (2 step process was inspired by James 5:16) You may believe this story is rare, but it doesn't have to be for you. Remember we are not meant to carry those bags so cast your cares upon the Lord and forgive others just as Christ forgave you. I challenge you today to reach out to someone that you need to forgive. Forgiveness is not easy, but it is Christ-like and worth it. 

To learn more about Mary Johnson and Oshea Israel story, click here to watch a great video!

#OldBagsNewCreation
Eph. 4:22-24


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10 comments:

  1. This is a really great piece, I have yet to decide whether or not I can commit to the challenge at this very moment as this has provoked quite a bit of thinking, but I'm glad to have read it because it causes me to do some self reflecting. Good Job ladies!

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  2. Wow!!! This was a powerful post and very applicable. The thing about forgiveness and why us humans don't do it is that sometime u feel that one they don't deserve it and two what If person looks and u and laughs and says there is no need cuz they didn't do anything wrong... It bothers me and is scary

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    1. It is very scary. We both were scared of forgiving people for those very reasons that you mentioned. Could you imagine if Jesus thought like that? We would all be out of luck! lol I am glad that you enjoyed it.

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  3. I like how you seperated the decision to forgive and taking steps to forgiving your offender. Because for me eventhough I do not want to internalize any hate or hold any grudges, I find it hard sometimes to be loving to someone that has hurt me so my solution usually is to seperate myself from that person because I do not want to deal with them any longer or be hurt by them again. The challenge as you said is learning to be loving to someone without any expectations. great post ladies!

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    1. Very true. We used to do the same thing to people thinking it was forgiveness. Boy were we wrong! :) When we did it with God is when we were able to show love without expectations. Thanks for reading and God Bless!

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  4. Love this forgiveness piece. Def had me thinking and I did move towards forgiving some people :-)

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    1. AMEN!!! This is so exciting! We know you will have so much joy in your life. :) God Bless!

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  5. What do you do when you try to forgive someone and they haven't changed? You want a relationship with them so you have changed for them, but they continue to hurt you. They keep saying that they have changed, but they haven't. They are the same person doing the same thing in a different way. Also I am a firm believer that you don't have to say that you changed if you already have. Period. I am really seeking guidance on this because I feel like I can't do it anymore. The constant forgiving is making me feel like a doormat. Is this what Christ wanted us to be doormats for others?

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    1. God called us to be people lovers and forgive our brothers that sin against us and ask for our forgiveness. We are NOT saying that your forgiveness should depend on their repentance. We are saying that we should forgive them for our love and obedience to Christ. Christ died for our sins and He just commands us to forgive others for theirs against us. Remember forgiveness does not equal reconciliation, friendship, or trust. Those things take time and positive behavior in the right direction. It takes the victim to forgive, the sinner to repent, and two to reconcile.
      Sometimes we have to let people go and give them to God for our own well-being. We have to pray for them and ourselves so the relationship continues to honor God. As humans, we have a tendency to hold on to someone that God has already told us to let go of for a season or forever.
      Moreover, healing from past hurts takes courage, time, and perseverance depending on nature of the offense and/or if it is repeated. Don't beat yourself up because you are having a hard time forgiving that just make you human. :) We all struggle with something that is not Christ-like. We challenge you to pour your mind and heart out to Christ. He will lead and guide you in this area like He did for us. We are praying for you.
      Hope this helps!

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